Humor is a hallmark of a creative mind, and
SQL Server Magazine Innovator Award runner-up Michael Metcalf has discovered value in using humor in his work. When Mike was
learning about SQL Server 2005 in preparation
for migration, he realized that the new release
was lacking one important feature: SQL Server
Funeral Services (SSFS). As Mike explains, “All hard-core techies I know have an almost
personal relationship with certain servers,
especially ones they first cut their teeth on.
This is a way to say goodbye to that now-ancient server.”
Mike says that SSFS consists of a database,
a few tables and procedures, db_Mail, SQL Server Reporting Services, 1 percent
inspiration, and 99 percent perspiration. “To
kick off a funeral, I send an email to users
who used the server most, supplying them
with a procedure to run against the database.
They run the procedure, including parameters
such as the name of the server they’re paying
respects to, a message to go in a guest
book, and donation of CPU cycles to help less
fortunate servers.” The procedure returns a
brief eulogy, a 21-query salute, and an email
message thanking them, plus a link to a Guest
Book delivered in Reporting Services.
Mike admits he initially conceived the SSFS
database as a fun diversion, but says he
learned some cool new features of SQL Server
2005 by doing the project. Plus, he says, it’s
great to “bring levity to the workplace when
people are bogged down, stressed, or otherwise
sucked too far into the grind, but without
causing anyone harm or laughing at anyone’s
expense.”